Disclaimer: I have been asked a lot recently why I no longer post about Rian. This is the answer to why and just a part of my life, which is exactly what my blog is about, being a mother and wife aka my entire life.
This is an announcement I wish I would never have to make, but it’s happening, so Rian and I are splitting up. I used to talk about him almost everyday on my blog but recently that hasn’t been the case (this is also the reason I haven’t been posting a lot lately). When I was pregnant with Avia we were the best we had ever been. We had three boys and had wanted a girl for a really long time. He was taking me on dates, helping with the kids, we were working through our marriage, talking, etc. He was amazing to me. After I had Avia however he started acting completely differently. He would go to work , come home, drink a beer, play video games, and then go to bed. He never helped with the kids. He started treating me like I didn’t do anything for our family even though I take care of the kids 24/7, and have since him and his ex had Landis. I’ve raised Landis as my own and taken care of him before Rian and I were even engaged. I’ve been the best to him and our kids that I could possibly be.
We stopped talking. Instead of arguing through things and making up we just didn’t deal with it. He would make me mad and I would just get over it, I would make him mad and he would yell and leave. When we were fighting at least we were trying to keep our marriage alive, but once it stopped it was like the flame had finally burned out. We stopped telling each other I love you, we stopped talking before bed, we stopped going on dates. The kids were even starting to notice we weren’t telling each other anything. We had always kissed, hugged, and told each other we loved one another multiple times before one of us left so when Hunter realized we weren’t doing that he asked why we didn’t do it. At one point even when we weren’t talking he would still wait until the end of the day to yell at me for ‘whatever I had done wrong”, but then he started yelling at me in front of the kids, and that was the last straw for me.
I strongly believe you have many soul mates in your life, and I do believe he was one of mine. We had an amazing 8 year run, and I loved him every second of it, and I still do. Everyday I get better and better with the reality that I am going to be a single mom to three. I haven’t seen him or Landis since he came home, packed a bag and left, and he hasn’t seen Hunter, Camden, or Avia since he left even though I have told him he can come and see them anytime. I’ve offered to watch Landis and still home school him while he is at work but I still haven’t heard back. I’m just trying to remain civil and positive through this time in hopes we can co-parent (if he decides to ever come and get/see them. I am happy with where I am at right now. I think emotionally I had been detached for a few months so when he left I wasn’t surprised.
My kids are my world, my happiness, and my light. They mean the world to me. I don’t care if I don’t have him, just as long as I have my babies everything will be perfect in my world.